If you would tell me a couple of years ago that I will read a book titled like “the five love languages” probably I would have laughed and asked why? However I found this book in my room at my parent’s place in Hungary and took it with me one time to Switzerland to store there for a few months until one day. It’s a book from 1995, however still actual and it’s still being sold, I have seen it in a book store. I’ve read the book in a couple of days. It extended my view on romantic relationships and a bit on life generally. The book explains why most marriages fail after a while and couples give up and divorce. Divorce rate is extremely high in most countries of the world. The reason: misunderstanding. Communication fails. Most people don’t express their needs for their partner as they expect that the other’s now it exactly. They think that the other is exactly thinking and feeling like they do. This is not true. Once we’ve realised this, we can move on and figure out what the other really wants, instead of pushing our expectations or views onto her / him.
The book very simply describes the five different love languages. Simply put if I’m aware of the love language of my partner and she is aware of my love language, we will be able to show our love towards each other in a much more expressive way. It will be more expressive for our partner.
The love languages
Words of affirmation
Acts of service
Words of affirmation
This means that we express our love verbally. We encourage and support our partner in whatever she or he does or face. We say beautiful things and notice small changes, or just say a few nice words here and there. It’s important to tell what we really feel and don’t just say empty words otherwise this wouldn’t work. We have to feel our words.
Acts of service
Simply explained this could mean any help or service that we provide to our partner. Regardless if it’s helping running errands or helping with the dishes, doesn’t matter. It just mean that we offer our time and energy to help our partner in whatever she or he might need.
Some have the love language of receiving gifts. It doesn’t have to be high value. Just be open, and give small presents from time to time. A nice flower, a hand written message, a book, it could be anything. Handmade or shop bought, both work, although some might prefer one over the other.
Spending quality time is quite important in any relationships. For some this is the most important part of the relationship, being together, paying attention only to each other. Talking while watching the TV is not quality time together. Talking by just looking at each other and focusing 100% is quality time spent together. It means a lot.
This doesn’t mean just having sex. This means a touch when our loved one is cooking, this means a hug in the morning, this means a gentle touch during sleeping.
I recommend that you think about your love language and find out your partner’s love language. The most important one, and the order of the other ones. Of course this doesn’t mean if “Acts of service” is my love language then I don’t need quality time together. It just means that for me one thing is slightly more important than the other one. I know that it is quite hard to decide about the most important thing in our romantic relationship and even choosing the order of the rest can be a challenging tasks, however it definitely worth the time. I’ve written down my love languages and my partner’s and she wrote down the same, then we verified. She knew my love languages a lot better than I knew hers. I actually wish that we discussed this topic a few months earlier in our relationship as it would make us understand each other better a lot sooner. So I encourage you to bring up this topic and talk through it. You might be surprised after. Be open for discussion, be honest, listen to your partner and express your needs too.
The book is an interesting one, it is definitely worth to read it for the examples and details.